02/08/2010 § Leave a comment
This is my first journal entry completely unrelated to music. I could crowbar in a musical reference but there’s really no need. It’s possible that my Last FM journal will increasingly turn into a general online journal rather than something purely music-related.
Over a week ago I had my tarot done over in Watkins in Cecil Court. I have always had mixed feelings about tarot reading for various reasons, mostly centered about the idea that it’s a load of rubbish. Most people – especially Derren Brown fans [of which I am one] – will tell you that a lot of it’s about cold reading and that if you want to believe something, you’ll believe it regardless of rationale. This is a tenet which I wholeheartedly believe in. I have avoided having my tarot done for years until this point when, finding myself again in Watkins, it felt completely the right thing to do at the moment. And that’s as good enough reason for me as any.
So without any more delay, here is the result of the spread.
Two points here. The deck used was not Rider-Waite but Dakini Oracle [why, I didn’t think to ask]. Secondly, the spread itself seems like a mixture of the Ellipse Spread and the Celtic Cross. I’m not sure exactly what it is. Before the spread was lain I was asked why I had come. I had no answer other than it felt like the right time to do it. I was drawn to the right hand side of the deck when it was spread for choice.
The above image explains the card layout and the meaning of each position. As for what the cards themselves were, I have done my best to explain below from memory. But most of them I couldn’t find online, let alone remember the complete meaning of. But here’s the best that memory serves.
1. Karmic Past – the past that effects the present. I can’t remember the name of the card but it represented having a large interest in female companionship. This is certainly true since I have been maybe too reliant on having girlfriends in the past. Especially when I was at university I was “monkey-barring” from one to the next, as someone once put it. I don’t think this has been ultimately healthy and this is reflected also in card 3.
2. Immediate present – “High Tension”. I certainly remember the name of this one, especially with regard to how accurately it measures my current situation. What with a job I can’t stand, being served noticed on by my landlord, various deaths in my own family [and others], it’s been one hell of a year so far. Maybe this was the reason I felt the need for the spread.
3. Near future – “Lord of Obstacles”. The card was represented by a spider in a web. Not much to say for this apart from the fact that it apparently related to the need for security and the home. This could be a parental home or setting up my own. I would much prefer the latter or at least somewhere where I didn’t have to move from for a long time. Given the recent tension of the present, I really feel the need for that security. From a solid base I would be able to do other things more fully, I feel. As a side note our house has recently become infested with spiders, this was never the case till now. Coincidence? Of course.
4. Fear – “Deep End” represented by a diving mermaid: a pretty bad card to have. Related to going downwards emotionally or being dragged down by 1 in this case. I was told it’s important to pay attention to 5 or 4 could become a reality. This was especially true for my last relationship where I felt I was being pulled down and having my future fashioned for me rather than fashioning it myself. This card is particularly negative since if it ended up as 7 is could allude to suicide. Once again, highly notable since a couple of years ago I felt suicidal, and it was as a result of feeling trapped and not independent.
5. Hope/aspiration – “A Change of Mind”. Showing a third eye in the centre of female portrait alluding to creativity and inspiration. Probably the most vital card and tempering number 4. In short, 5 is necessary to prevent 4. It’s been a while since I’ve been doing a lot of writing – my main creative outlet, but with a renewed interest in photography and music playing, things feel very good. I was told this is the most important thing and should never be ignored, and I should be with someone who wholeheartedly understands my interests and lets me do them, whatever they are. Otherwise the downwards pull will begin again – as it once did in 2008.
6. The Key – “Cutting Loose”. The Key is that which will let one attain the Final Result. This card represents abandonment of ties, simply. Especially relating to parents. This is accurate since I have a sparse relationship with my parents – my father in particular who I haven’t seen in years. However, I aim to change this this year. I have never been someone who likes being tied down in any way. I have no financial or physical ties at the moment and I never intend to have children. That would be the biggest tie imaginable. I remember someone saying to me once that having children seemed like my “biggest nightmare”. Well, actually, it is.
7. Final Result – This is ironically the card that I can remember the least about. It showed a heart on some kind of mountainous plain, possibly along a road. Anyone with any knowledge of the deck should be able to reveal which it is. I was told that it represented a spiritual journey which could be brought about through 5, and an elevation from the current physical/psychic state and norm. This is basically the perfect card for me, so therefore 5 should be concentrated on most importantly. It also represents something mystical and I was asked if I was planning to go to Japan or China, and I was already planning to go to China in Autumn. I was told it was most important that I go through with this. As of now I have more or less planned my route.
Once again, whether anyone chooses to believe that such a reading holds any water at all is down to personal opinion. I certainly choose to in this instance. It fits perfectly. Even though I have a fascination with the ‘arcane’, and tarot is generally thought to be expressed through it, it’s not a place I intend to have many first-hand dealings with in my life. Recently I have been balancing my music listening with a high appreciation of Hildegard von Bingen which, in a subconscious way, could be to dilute the effects of these kinds of things in my surroundings.
Similarly, I remember that throughout The Bedlam in Goliath The Mars Volta included various elements of Santería within the music in order to form a protective skin for the band against the effects of the ouija which effectively spawned the album’s creation. This is a far more microcosmic version and where I will end this entry.
EDIT: I notice I did manage to include some musical references here but they were entirely unintentional at this journal’s inception. Still, they were very valid to its cause.